How Unfortunate.

..Why do I do this to myself?
I feel like those women in the movies who set up a nice surprise dinner at home. You know, for when their husband comes home from a hard day's work..
..then realizes, after waiting hours, that he's not coming home.

I don't have a significant other and I didn't prepare dinner but I thought I was having company tonight. Why did I set myself up for this? He never even called me to say he wasn't gonna be able to make it anymore. In fact, I had to text him to see if he was still coming over.
Boy, I can definitely feel those wives' pain.

..I've been chasing pavements all along and now I finally see I'm not wanted.

FINALLY

I've cleaned my room. No more huge computer table!


Woo!!

Empty Rooms

As you might not know, I've been sort of living alone. My siblings moved out a long time ago and are living in three different areas of the south bay. My dad has been in the Philippines since, I believe, December 29th so it's just been my mom and me. Well.. my dogs too, of course. Their home is our backyard.
Anyways, I basically live upstairs where my parents rarely visit.

Today, I forgot there were two other doors besides my room and the bathroom. I realized they haven't been opened in quite some time. To be honest, I was kind of afraid to open them because I thought I'd find something that might not have been there before... or maybe someone. The rooms were dark and dead.. but, in away, so is my home. I wondered if home was supposed to feel this cold.. colder than standing outside. Over time, I realized that having a big home has its advantages and disadvantages.
..It must be hard for my parents.. for any parents in that matter.. I mean being away from their own parents, siblings and cousins for so long 'cause they're so busy trying to build a new one.

Well, no matter what.. With or not with me, they're still there.

Caring is Creepy

I remember I saw a picture of a bird flying.. but upside down. Underneath it said, "You killed the part of me that cared."

For some reason, that image popped into my head.


I should eat and get ready to go out tonight.
..wish you were here!

Save It For A Rainy Day

ENJOY!

Euphoria.

Bliss n.: supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment
Euphoria n.: a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being
Serenity n.: the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil
Prosperity n.: a successful, flourishing, or thriving condition; good fortune
Finesse n.: extreme delicacy or subtlety in action, performance, skill, discrimination, taste, etc.; skill in handling a difficult or highly sensitive situation

15 minutes of bliss that could never be taken away from anyone.. Not even yourself.
It's definitely been awhile since I've spent such great quality time with 4 strangers (well, at the time). We played beach volleyball after class and had a blast! Afterward, hung out with Danielle, Benji, and Matt. For these 15 hours of my life, I've began to appreciate life more and the company of others. Four amazingly different people from different backgrounds in one class and, wow, I would have never expected such a euphoric day like this. Unfortunately no shots of Matt but this was just a gist of our day... at iHop.

I am truly... truly... grateful for this day.. kid me not.















Every little line, symbol etc. drawn on my hand apparently meant something and he told me what they stood for... to my surprise. The little random dots, however, he wouldn't explain. "They were his dots"... so I said, "Alright, take 'em."





My writing (CLAO) reminded me of a black widow.

Well.. sweet dreams. My forearms, ass and thighs are sore but I'm still looking forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays. :]

Pictures I drew a long time ago and some

some came out sideways and most are unfinished...just thought I'd share. :]

I'm having an Incubus marathon.

Something in the back of my head..

I don't give a fucking fuck.






It doesn't hurt to be vulgar at times. :]

So Many Dreams

So many dreams but so little support. No one to look up to but myself now. I need to take that step forward and become self-driven. Ash Wednesday is finally here and I've chosen to give up procrastination. I've endured it far too long and it's about time I finally chase after my goals. I hope to last for over these next 40 days and 40 nights.

I used to focus much of my time on art, music, dance, and theatre. I want to sink myself into it again but mainly focusing towards art, music, and poetry..

I want to be more in depth with its history too.

Toys.

No one's perfect nor innocent so I have no shame in writing this.
Having a friend with certain privileges is never easy unless you carelessly enjoy sleeping around. I never thought it was simple and I find myself in this situation. I find myself wondering if this will ever go somewhere or if one of us will just find someone new and call it quits.
A part of me says, "Leave," while the other says, "Stay. How often do you run into someone like him and shares that much passion for music?" He is my friend and little more.
However, I have to admit.. I enjoy being untitled to any sort of commitment. I'm not one who enjoys having two different partners so, of course, they have nothing to worry about, which leaves me to be the one worried.
I can't point fingers toward anyone because I placed myself in this position. Correct?
..maybe.
Because so-and-so and I are "buddies", I have to constantly remind myself not to put my heart out there.

I feel like I'm trying to catch something I know can never be caught. In fact, I'm unaware of all the reasons why I should be chasing after him in the first place. His heart is flying forward in front of me chasing after dreams and I've become restless.

On a brighter note, besides babysitting, work and school is starting to pick up again, which will definitely keep me occupied. :]
I need to keep myself active again. It's been a while!
Class is starting tomorrow and I'm excited! Tomorrow I'm taking a Japanese martial arts class called Naginata, which requires a spear. Afterward, beach volleyball.
I can't wait to get back in shape!

Ash Wednesday.. Once again.

I was browsing the web and found this guy's blog spot. I really admire it: http://street-art-tel-aviv.blogspot.com/
Thank you, Daniel Romano.

What will I give up for lent?


...A messy room?

Valentine's Day..

..can kiss my asian ass!


So can Brandon Boyd haha ;D

Faith

A minute ago, my mom said, "You, know.. I bought some Lotto but I can't seem to find it."

It's funny because she's been gambling on Lottos for.. Geez.. more than I can remember hoping one day she'll win the jackpot. I started thinking about people in general and how they still go at it too. It's amazing isn't it?
To think of it, it's kind of nice. It puts some sort of ease to my head knowing that people still have faith. No matter how much money you lose spending on lottery numbers, you still seem to never give up. It's like you always have something to look forward to...to give you that little jump inside. On the other hand, it's an addiction.. But who ever said addictions were always bad? Maybe putting all of your effort into one thing is a good thing. Maybe its what gives you comfort inside or that spice in your life. Who knows?!
I don't know.. it's just a thought that really hit me and I guess it's something I admire.
I don't plan on paying for lottery tickets though. I just wish I could find that addiction.. that one thing that truly gives a push or sort of excitement to my life

Oh, wait! That's right... my guitar. hahaha

Well, anyways.. Whether you lose or not, without fail, it's nice to see how people still have faith on the tiniest even most unluckiest things in life.

In The Waiting Line

I came home around 1:30am last night from Tiana's new apartment. Welcome back to SoCal!! :P

Anyways, when I went to bed, I had the hardest time falling asleep. I checked my phone and noticed it was 4:33am. Do you know what that means?? That means I've been laying in bed for about 3 hours!! I started growing a headache, which made it even worse. I tried listening to the Garden State soundtrack hoping it would help me fall asleep but NO. I tried calling a couple of friends hoping they would be awake and, yet, still no luck.
Sooo.. I turned to my last resort, which was vicodin, and I was really doing my best to stay away from it. I remember having left overs from the day I had my wisdom teeth pulled out.

Jackie, Tara, me and whoever else are planning on watching "Valentine's Day" in theatres tomorrow since we're singles who have no valentine.
....FAIL. haha >__<


Today's looking like a nice day for a walk.

First Time Playing Together

Judy and I met after a show we both had played at in 2008. We kept in contact through myspace but never saw each other since the show. She randomly texts me one day asking if I wanted to play for a Haiti Acoustic Show, which she was hosting. Gladly, I confirmed.
After we finished performing that night (last night), we decided to learn "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson so we can play it at the show (just for kicks).
Keep in mind, we barely had any practice so bear with us! hahaha